Relationship between Parents and Children
Know yourself before, you attempt to get to know children. First and foremost you must realize that you too are a child, whom you must first get to know, to bring up & to educate.
The way the older human beings treat younger ones reflects the state of our civilization. The least of all good parenting is a selfless, unconditional love. Whether we have children of our own or not, developing the ability to care deeply for others is perhaps the true sigh of our progression from childhood toward becoming fully realized adults.
Children aren’t possessions
The whole idea that children are your possession is wrong. They are born through you but they do not belong to you. You have a past; they have only the future. They are not going to live according to you. To live according to you will be almost equivalent to not living at all. They have to live according to themselves in freedom, in responsibility, in danger, in challenge. That is how one becomes strong.
Parents, down the ages, have carried the idea that children belong to them, and that they have to be just carbon copies of them. A carbon copy is not a beautiful thing, and existence does not believe in carbon copies; it rejoices in originality. You are not to impose yourself upon them. They are not going to live in the same times. They are not going to face the same problems. They will be past of another world.
You have to help them to grow beyond you. You have to help them not to imitate you. That is really the duty of parents- to help children not to fall into imitation.
You are feeling guilty that you have left children alone- that perhaps is not right. They have not to be moulded into a certain ideal. If they had been given freedom, if they had been given a chance to grow naturally, they would never have been the person they are. And only then would they have been able to find a certain contentment and satisfaction.
You cannot remain loving 24 hours of being with them, everyday. You are bound to be angry, you are bound to be jealous, you are bound to be everything that should not be in the presence of your children, and they will learn those things from you.
It is better that the children don’t see your ugly faces. If a child does not know about these ugly faces, his life will be totally different. It will be a life of love, without jealousies, without nagging without throwing things.
It begins with you: No one can influence your child as much as you, as long as you are spending quality time with your son or daughter. As a parent, you must take responsibility for your child & you must build the foundation in your child so that outside influences don’t become more important than parental influence, it all begins with you.
Show your love: Shower your child with kisses and hugs, everyday. Tell your child that you love them, and back that up with patience and sensitivity. Always, you should be your child’s biggest cheer leader and build their confidence, spend time with your child. Communicating with your child becomes much easier when you spend quality time by going to museums or to the park or simply talking over dinner.
Reading: Reading is one of the most important things you can teach your child. Reading can take you places & help you see things you have never seen before you should read books & have books in your home for your child. If you can’t buy books, then get a library card & use your local library. Have a reading hour with your child.
The most important years: Between birth & the age of five is where critical values are instilled in your child, & either you can put those values in your child, or they will pick them up whenever they can .During these years, the foundation of your child’s life will be formed & you must be responsible for driving the proper values, respect, spirituality, honesty, integrity & accountability and these are only a few of the foundational elements you should put in your child. And the easiest way to do it is for you to live a life with these values. You see it truly begins with you.
The Environment:Take control of the conditions that will influence your son or daughter. Since there are so many things that can influence a child today. It is key to remember that you are the parent & you know better than your child what is best. You have to manage your child’s friends, the television, video games & your households. Control what you can control, influce & let the rest go.
House Rules:Establishing house rules will set the frame work for good behavior in your home. When a person enters your house, they must abide by your rules. House rules apply for both children & adults. You must be consistent.
Managing Expectation: Show and tell your children what is expected. Children will do what is expected from them. Your child will perform to the level of what is expected & if not much is expected, not much can be gained. Set high expectations.
Role Model Behavior:Always set a Role Model in front of your child. Once you set that try to copy it. If you find a parent like the parent you want to be or find a child that is like the child you want yours to become. Once you find that behavior, try to copy it, & do accordingly with your child.
Attitude is everything: Controlling your attitude can determine your destiny. You can change your habits & attitude. Positive thinking is a habit & an attitude that you should instill in your child. You are what you think, so controlling your thinking can control your world. You should always be around others with a good attitude.
Enjoy Life: Everyday is a blessing & some days will be more challenging than others. Make the best of whatever you have. Happiness is not based on money. So don’t let money determine your happiness. Make a difference in the life of your child. You are one of God’s great creations, and both you and your child can be anything you count to be. Enjoy the moment because children grew up so fast.
Good Behavior Games
No more preaching, here are enjoyable and effective ways to teach your child
How to tidy up Solve problems, stop Interrupting and more…
What it teaches: Teamwork
How to play: Find an open area. Then give each child tow balloons. When you say “go”, then must team up to keep the balloons in the air for a set time (start with 30 seconds). You can also have them try bopping the balloons with just one silly part of their body, such as their nose or their pinkie fingers.
Why it works: Four children will see the value of working together toward a common goal. Next time they should clean their place and help you set the table.
What it teaches: Co-operation at bedtime.
How to play: Make reward coupons or certificates that is good for an extra story, a tickle fest or your child’s favorite breakfast. Hide the slip of paper in her room then let her look for it after she has brushed her teeth, if she is having trouble finding it, give hints to help her.
Why it works: Many kids fight going to sleep because it isn’t as much teen as staying awake. But with this game, bedtime becomes a treat for children because they get extra time with Mommy and Daddy & have little bonuses to look forward to.
What it teaches: Whining is annoying
How to play: Read ten sentences from a children’s book into a tape recorder, using a pleasant voice for some and a whirly voice for others. Play them back and ask your child to raise her hand when she hears the sentences read in a nice voice, when she gets them all right have her record sentences in her silliest, whiniest and heist voices.
Why it works: The game shows that something familiar as a favorite story can be changed simply by the way you speak, and it helps kids understand how their tone comes actress to other people.
What it teaches: Listening and talking quietly
How to play: Speak a simple sentence softly in whisper it into the next player’s ear. The last player has to speak out the sentence. If it is not exactly the one you started with, find out who charged it 2 whispers a new sentence into his ear.
Why it works: It makes children stay quiet to listen & learn to speak without shouting. They also learn to listen more carefully to each word anyone says.
The same-time game
What it teaches: Interrupting is Rude
How to play: Think of some things you can do at the same time and things you can’t do a t the same time & demonstrate each. Feel free to do something silly, such as frantically trying to sit 2 stands simultaneously. Then let your children come up with their own examples (I can’t hold my nose & breath through it at the same time but I can touch my toes 2 laugh at the same time).
Why it works: Children have a hard time accepting that they can’t always get your attention right when they want it. This game will help them be more patient 2 less likely to interrupt when you are on the phone or doing some personal work.
Look on the bright side
What it teaches: optimism
How to play: Start telling a story in which something negative happens."One day Dora was cranky because it was too hot". Ask a child to continue with a positive turn of events.The good thing nearby where a cool breeze was blowing. The next child introduces another negative idea, which is answered by a positive idea from the next player.
How it works: It helps children develop a more positive outlook so they can deal with real life frustrations 2 disappointments more easily.
Follow the helpful leader
What it teaches: tidying up
At one to play: Gather your kids outside a cluttered room, say that you are the first “helpful leader” & they should follow you lead them skipping & clapping, into the room. Start cleaning, and then let one of the children be the leader. Encourage them afterwards saying, “this room looks really clean”.
How it works: Children will realize they can clean up after themselves & that it can even before doing it together.
I never thought of that game
What is teaches: problem solving
How to play: Gather a few everyday objects such as a dustbin, a show a pillow, a ball & a pencil. Hold up an items & ask your child to think of as many uses for it as he come, e.g. for a dustbin he may come up with ideas such as "sit on it", "hide in it".Use it like a bucket “and “bang it like a drum. Encourage him to be as imaginative as possible but still stay practical, so that what he suggests can actually be done/Using a different object for each,& let other players think of as many ideas as can.
How it works: Children learn that it’s turn to think that the same thing can be used in different ways depending on the roods.